Now I see........

Started my 2nd full time job last night. To say I feel tired would be an understatement. This is only day 1 and have 5more nights of this. I feel ok though, knowing what I'm doing is the right
thing. I miss the family tremendously already.

On my first coffee break I called home and was told Lisa called the police on mom (another one of her bouts with schizophrenia/bi-polar/manic-depression stuff) Jimmy and Lisa worked with the police to show the mom is wacko and practically 51/50 (she refuses to eat for example) Lisa called Ricky to see if he would participate in whatever is necessary to keep her locked up. During her conversations, Lisa discovered Marianne (my 14 yo sis-in-law) is acting out sexually and asking for birth control. My jaw hit the floor!!! Man i'm getting old. It seems like yesterday I was 25, Marriane 7. In the blink of an eye, she is using her body in a sinful way. I won't judge her as both Lisa and myself did the same thing as teens. But I am concerned and pray that she doesn't continue to do so.

It's funny how when we get older, establish families, to our best to walk under God's lighted pathway, that we begin to understand His intented use for things like sexual relations. Now that I am a father of 4 children, married to a wonderful wife, I have a stronger sense of His purpose for sexual relations. Add to that, the negative consequences of my own acting out behaviors since my teens well into my late 20's, I can only advocate a life of purity for anyone. Though we are tempting to engage in what biologically seems reasonable ("it feels good/it's my body") spiritually and emotionally it is insane.

Having reached the level of maturity I have now, I fully appreciate the "mysterious" line Lisa gave me on our first night we met. As I tried to put the moves on her, she protected herself from my advances with Scripture by saying "Don't do this, don't you know your body is your temple...." Those words rocked my world as I had never considered what I was doing to my temple (soul). Despite this, I continued to pollute my soul even more during the next 4-5 years.
But the seen was planted from day one...

I now have a harvest from that planted seed. As much as I am a Romans 7 Christian, I can say I value purity and hope that all can adopt such a lifestyle over the one offered by the world's view; the philosophy of the enemy: if it feels good it is good. I hope and pray somehow that Lisa can have a similar, yet stronger and quicker impact on Mariance before the worst consequences occur (i.e. pregnancy). I believe Lisa is the only moral voice in Marrianne's life. It may only be a whisper to Marrianne, but it's something. As with me, Lisa will be the only seed planter in Marianne's life. I pray to our Lord that He has His hand of protection upon our sister and somehow she is led to Him and His will for her life.

To switch gears, I have to say that as draining as my mother - in - law situation can be, somehow with a godly view, I see it as making us stronger. As burdensome and chaotic and painful as it is, God has a way to use it to strengthen us as a whole. Case in point, Lisa had enough guts yesterday to get the authorities involved. She pulled the trigger before waiting for a violent episode to cause a move on our part (as was the case in the past). I love "oma" and everyone who knows her thinks the world of her. However, the split personality that controls her is unmanageable by anyone except a psychiatrist. It saddens me to see how degenerative this matter has become, I can't imagine the pain Lisa feels on the inside over these years. I will make it my commitment to be there for Lisa in any way I can this time. In the past, I pretty much tuned out. Then again, we didn't really discuss much in depth once Oma was out of sight; it was out of mind. I want to be there for Lisa and offer my support I will make sure to do this today (as brief as it may be)

work work work I owe I owe so off to work I GO!